Hedra Articles

August 2009

Second Day

June 16 I, Diana Siderides, worked with some really strong spiritual teachers out in SE Idaho; what a beautiful, inner soul workout, about 20 hrs – with thunder and lightning as our background and spectacular both days.  I  worked with these spiritual teachers back in March and was surprised at how much I still needed to re-learn about myself, so this opportunity presented itself and here I was again.  Later in this first day there was another downpour of rain, and I remembered that several times during that first night, I would say to myself, “Diana, I can do this, I can do this!”

Next morning I got up after one of the guys went outside and it was cold.  Stars everywhere, it was beautiful.  Eventually everyone was up, when it was announced that we would drive out to another area.  The sun came up and it was picturesque.  We drove to an area where there were walking paths to and around all the huge rocks/big boulders.  Interesting enough one teacher said to me, “Today Diana there are no ‘cant’s’ in your vocabulary” and I said, “Okay!”  As we are all walking around this big rock, I realized that I didn’t want to attempt this path.  They all walked out and the first area scared the shit out of me and the one teacher just said, “Take your time, I will help you.”  That is when I realized I wasn’t allowed to say, I can’t.  I have been used to saying these 2 words since the nerves were removed from both of my legs in 1985 and at that time in 1985 I stopped trusting anyone including myself.  I tried to talk the teacher out of my doing this hike and he would not hear of it.  I heard myself saying, “I can do this” over and over again and then I knew I would have to trust him.

And I did do this hike; took about 90 minutes and the views were astounding in all directions and for me it was a very appreciative lesson to allow others to assist me in tight places to move forward, this meant using their hands or putting my weight on a shoulder.  I just never realized that I had shut down internally from that life-changing accident at the mill in Cascade. [My right hand and arm were crushed for 20 minutes in a machine, the doctor’s removed my nerves in both legs to replant in my arm and it didn’t work].  When we got back to our camp, the real work was about to take place well into the darkness under rain and lightning.  It seemed each time one of us realized something profound; the sky would answer with either thunder or lightning, which was remarkable with its timing.  I seemed to ‘get’ more from listening to the teachers work with the other person, which being a teacher I know that this is so!  Talk came back around to me and major breakthroughs were discussed that I hadn’t even considered.  By closing up, I had put up strong barriers that didn’t want to diffuse during these 2 days. It seemed to me that my ego was going to fight to the end at all costs.  I realized that the day before, I just turned off for over 7 hours and I was not aware of me doing this.  I have always strived in being able to tough it out and get through things and instead I just turned inward without listening to the work that was for me to receive.

These facts ended up being a serious reality check for me and as the night progressed, I was able to see all the ways that I discounted and gave up on myself.  I am so grateful for ME, I can now use all these tools for assisting me to grow and move forward with wild expectations of well-being and fun.  Life for me has always meant challenges which were fun to explore; then I lost myself; and now it is time to realize once again that these challenges are all about finding many paths to go around and still have fun with them.  Throughout this second day I found “my smile” again and it amazed me how much knowledge poured in when I was smiling for the fun of it.

I share this story with you because our inner spirits anxiously wait to assist us to see the positives and to move forward with confidence as I was able to do this second day with these “teachers”. [Another thing that came about from these 2 days, there is always positive ways to tell any story and they worked with me on that for hours, as before I couldn’t imagine being able to do it!]   And as we know, everything happens for a reason and everything will work its way out in its own good time.

 “Our imagination is the only limit to what we can hope to have in the future.”  Anonymous